10 Minute Exercise: Ways of Being
In our schools, workplaces, and other organized spaces there are systems and structures put in place to maintain order and harmony amongst individuals. These rules or social agreements, create a container in which we are allowed to behave. The more explicit these expectations are, the bettter for everyone.
Imagine an airport with no signage. Or with no dividers for each security lane. Or no people at different points to check people into each phase of the process? We need these rules to help maintain safety, but mostly it’s about managing the chaos of thousands of strangers interfacing with each other.
Now, imagine your own life. Everyday you are interfacing with new spaces, people, and experiences. How do you know how to engage with those things? What are the rules you hold for yourself? What’s the signage in your head when you experience failure? When you feel joy? What are the expectations you hold for yourself when you are angry, frustrated, or powerless?
We spend a lot of time thinking about how to be with others, but often we don’t think about how we want to BE with the person we spend the most time with… ourselves. We give ourselves lots of things to do, but not much structure on being.
Write 3 Agreements or “Ways of Being” for yourself.
Need help getting started? One of my “Ways of Being” is the 24 Hour Shame Rule. I give myself one full day to feel all of those yucky feelings. I wallow. I isolate. All of negative behaviors (I know, I’m not perfect), but before the 24 hours expire, I need to tell someone what I did that has me in a shame spiral. Depending on the incident, it may take as little as an hour. With this agreement, I have a realistic expectation of myself, but a clear pathway on how to move through the inevitable. You notice the agreement is not, “I will not feel shame.” I am going to feel it, but I won’t let it consume me and I have created a path through it.